12 01 2010

Well, that got here fast. Where’s my jetpack?

I know no one looks at this blog, but I also know that this blog is here regardless, so I think it would be good for me to publicly (as public as this is) set some goals for 2010. I’ve been feeling very aimless and ennui-ridden since the holidays, and I think this is in some part due to feeling like I had a whole new year and not a thing planned.

So I’ll just meander a bit, and come up with some ideas.

1. Sobriety.

Staying off the sauce is working for me. I always had this romantic notion of the writer as some drunken poet, who like the martial-arts master danced an inspired kind of kungfu when drunk: one more in alignment with nature and with the muse.  But I think that was a misunderstanding. Getting drunk was a shortcut to the muse, and after a time it came to replace her, a false god. It’s more honest, and harder–more well-earned–to find inspiration and creativity without relying on some substance to mediate one’s connection to the divine. In 2010 I’m going to pursue my sobriety with the same stick-to-it-iveness I had when pursuing a stiff drink. I’m going to keep putting one foot in front of another, taking the steps I need to stay honest and recover. So by the end of 2010, I’ll have a full year of sobriety to celebrate.

2. Health and fitness.

The basics are the most important, and that means taking care of my body. I will exercise consistently. I will also work towards staying on top of the bigger-picture health issues: following up on bloodwork, ultrasounds, catscans etc. that the doctors might need to stay on top of my various health issues. By June I will be up-to-date with all tests & exams required by each doctor.

3. Compassion.

This is of course acting with compassion towards all things, but–not to sound too self-centered–the thing I need to be mindful of the most this year is compassion for myself. I am my own harshest critic and cruelest judge. No one says the shit to me that I say to myself. If I ever saw anyone treating another person the way I treat myself, I would consider it emotional & psychological abuse (sometimes physical abuse, too). 2010 needs to be the year I learn to look in the mirror and like–genuinely LIKE–the person I see. I guess I should start with getting to know her & spending quality time talking with her, the way you’d come to like any person. I think that by doing things like yoga and art, spending time with friends and doing good works (like volunteering & helping people), I can learn to really like the person I am.

4. The cats.

This year I want to get every cat in this yard spayed or neutered, immunized, and adopted. Well, some will stay, of course: Meowlers, and Kittle Little, and Sister and Ladycat. I don’t know if Dancer, Black Cat, Owlie or Gurgles are adoptable. But I know the Twin Kitties (St. Paul & Minnie) are definitely adoptable, and so is Frankie, Mouse, and Ladycat. Maybe Sister could find a good home as well. I may use Metblogs or some other online tool to find homes for them.

5. Career.

I’m in a period where what I do needs to be streamlined & taken to a higher level. This will either entail a new job description finalized and a raise at my current position, with its own set of goals (too detailed for here), or possibly a move to another company. I need to keep my eyes open for positions at other companies that may be more rewarding, better paying, and more clearly defined, or where I can make a bigger/better impact on the organization and the world. I want 2010 to be a year of network-building for me, also, where I can interact with a larger group of professionals who all share the goals of growth & improvement.

6. Art.

I’m not sure yet what shape my art will take in 2010. Now that I have the house to myself, I could move my painting supplies in and work on paintings. I’d also like to learn music–maybe the accordion?–somehow. As for writing, I’d like to return to my book proposals and outline each book, choose one to focus on, and complete a rough draft. I think a page a week is suitable for that. Should a deadline be created, I can step up my goals.

7. Meditation, prayer & breathing.

I’ve found these things to be such a big help, and I really have to thank my new therapist for setting them up as a daily action for me. Morning and afternoon, two solid minutes of deep breathing. At least once during the day, two minutes attempting to meditate, allowing the thoughts to flow away from me. And once a day, prayer: even though I don’t believe in God, I’ve realized it centers me and calms me when I speak internally to that life-force out there in the universe. I don’t believe in God, but I do believe that “there are more things in Heaven and earth, Horatio, than are dreamt of in your philosophy”–that is to say, there is something out there–Dylan Thomas’s “the force that through the green fuse drives the flower.” It has gotten me to where I am now despite every roadblock in my way, and I’m grateful; and I need to nurture a more conscious contact with it.

So. Seven ideas for 2010. Let’s stay on top of them, shall we?



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